You see way back when, my type a personality and constant jaw clenching caused me to break a back tooth. That tooth was replaced with a crown, which I also broke. I guess I should have listened over the past decade when the doc said wear your night guard, but no I am much too smart for that! So for the past year I have had no back tooth, I mean I can eat an entire bag of Lays potato chips without that tooth so what's the big deal? When the dentist began hounding Jon to hound me about the damn implant I finally submitted. I didn't have anything else to do with two grand anyway!
First of all the dentist and I go back, I mean way back. When I say back I mean this particular man of science knows and respects my obsessive and neurotic thoughts and behavior when it comes to his....business. It was many years ago that I had to inform the secretary in his office that I couldn't wait in the waiting room like normal patients. The sounds and the smells give me anxiety. So therefore the secretary now checks me in then comes to get me in the courtyard only seconds before the doc or even the hygienists are ready. Second I can't be in the very back cubicle because it gives me anxiety. Thirdly don't engage me in any small talk whatsoever, you guessed it gives me anxiety. Lastly do not provide me with details or information or pictures. I have looked up everything i know to now be true on the internet! On this day I actually ask Chris, the receptionist if the Dr. had ever done this procedure on anyone before. On this day she actually answered with....an eye roll.
Next I carefully observe as the staff don their sterile gloves and mask and start talking in code to one another. They think I can't hear them but I can make out words like suction, and needle, and saw and bloody pulp. Oh I hear it alright, make no mistake!
Tuesday was no different, except for the the fact I believe I was exceptionally obnoxious for 9:00 a.m. I first noticed the buffet of medieval type instruments partially covered by light blue paper towels. Seriously there were like four trays full of devices, usually there is only one....I take a mental note. THEN there is an extra person in that space, a stranger . Seriously is this so invasive that it takes another office employee...and I take another mental note. THEN the assistant that is also a spawn merely by association asks me to rinse out my mouth with some type of antibiotic solution, because this procedure is so invasive....I quickly scan the room for an escape route. I forgot my IPod, I insisted the assistant hunt down some random MP3 player so we could all continue. For all i know she ran and stole one from a pedestrian walking by the office. Then I noticed the wall clock was missing. "Where did the wall clock go? How long is this gonna take again?", I question. " No watching the clock"' she answers as she quickly slaps the nitrous over my nose. Then the standard, conversation ensues...and one all the players involved know all too well.
Dentist, " Roxanne, how are ya doing as he pats my shoulder
Roxanne, " the nitrous isn't working I swear is it working? Can you turn it up it up. I swear i cant feel a thing! Maybe I should do this with IV sedation. Should I come back a different day?
Dentist, " it's up to you, just try and relax.
And the same dialogue goes on and on and on....
I close my eyes and I really try to go to my happy place and I keep peeking every time I feel like it is safe. I feel the vibrations and the pulling and the pushing and I sense the metallic taste of my own blood. Ugh.
Then I always ask, "Are we half done, are we a third done?" I have to use the restroom, I need some air but don't take that nitrous off.The dialogue goes on and on. I swear for an entire two hours the only thing touching that chair was my heels and the back of my head. I was so wound up that I don't even feel like my shoulders touched the chair. When the DDS asked me if I was allergic to anything I told him only you, you sick sadistic bastard, but I'm blaming that on the nitrous. Just kidding about the bastard part!
Anyway as always I sent them a fruit tray the next day and signed the card as always, sorry for being such a pain in your ass. A ND as always as he called to check on me that night I am always too embarrassed to talk with him directly on the phone so to voicemail it goes.
The good news, the implant is done. The bad news is I have another appointment in less than two weeks.
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