I have spent over thirty years dealing with the Broncomanic in my life, why I have even given birth to not two but three children who bear the burden of this same affliction. I don't know why I am taken aback by the events that occurred during the previous Bronco football Sunday.
In a good natured attempt to celebrate my youngest afflicted son's birthday on Sunday I thought it would be a grand idea for our family to meet up at a sports bar of some kind to watch the game. Ya know, a few dozen big screen TVs, a couple plates of nachos and chicken wings and other great fans to experience the game. (Remember I do live in the country and I don't get out much - so I was actually looking forward to it).
Via text I make this very suggestion to the birthday boy. His exact text response to me:
Mom, this is a big game and I don't really want to watch it where strangers can distract me.
Okay several things bother me about this response. 1. Strangers? Really? If you would have said stranger/possible pedophiles I would think you were starting to sound a bit like your mother. 2. A big game Tony, really? I mean, remember you are sick EVERY Bronco game is a big game. 3. What kind of distractions are we talking about? Good food, cold beer, exquisite and ongoing football talk about the ins and outs of the last offensive series with another fan who knows the game as well as you do? Really?
Needless to say, the other sick men in my life agreed and so it was decided to watch the Bronco game from the comforts of home. Lisa's home (Tony's girlfriend). So by default this poor young women had to deal with Tony and all his "sick" relatives on a beautiful autumn afternoon. Lucky her!
Now the harrowing part. Game time is 2:25 MST. At 1:45 MST Jon and I are at Aaron and Jill's house finishing a small home improvement project. It was not my imagination that Aaron's answers were getting a little abrupt and Jon was rolling his eyes a bit more than normal. Okay truth be told Jon's neck veins were bulging and Aaron was holding his chest because of heart palpitations. Did I mention the fact that it takes 45 minutes to get from Aaron's house to Lisa's house. Well 45 minutes UNLESS you are Aaron and now apparently Jon.
I should have known it was going to be a rough ride when right out of the gate Aaron ran a red light....and Jon followed him. These two men had turned into degenerative creatures of darkness behind the wheel. The next 20 minutes were spent watching Aaron with Jill in the passenger seat weaving in and out of Denver traffic and holding my breath as Jon mimicked his every move. Billboards became a blur as we soared past them all. I watched as cars became mere specks in the rear view mirror in the blink of an eye. I glanced apologetically to the folks we cut off as I made sure my seat belt was low and tight across my lap. I made the sign of the cross as I thought I saw Jon's hands tighten on the steering wheel, his neck veins nearly exploding now. I receive a text from Jill in the race car ahead.
It is pretty tense in this car right now.
We are going to die, I answered back. I always did have a flare for the dramatic.
We made it across town in traffic.....in 23 minutes. I got out of the car said a prayer and leaned down to kiss the good green earth. Of course the only one who saw me was Jill as the guys were already in front of the big screen TV with 3 minutes to spare.
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