CDO in the Country

CDO is similar to OCD except the letters are in alphabetic order....as they should be.


Those who know me best have come to realize I MAY or may not have a bit of the disorder in my psyche.  What I've realized this week in the country is that the trait is inherited and I received it from my parents, both parents.

Sunday we ran to Denver to our favorite buy it cheap, then spend hours putting it together store, IKEA.  We bought bookshelves for the basement.  If you ever purchased anything beyond a mixing bowl from this retailer you know what I mean.  Everything gets picked out in a showroom, loaded in a warehouse and then hauled to your vehicle in heavy large cardboard boxes.  Jon absolutely hates the IKEA setup and even worse, despises the hours required to put even small items together.

Nonetheless he found himself Sunday a witness to the insanity and he reluctantly became part of the process without even trying.  Now one of the bookshelves we purchased came in several dozen pieces with several dozen packages of hardware in various sizes.  Here's how we roll.....

We dumped it all out on the family room floor, of course misplacing pieces as we went.  I scratched the newly painted wall with a sharp shelf edge so had to retire to attend to touchup duties.  We got distracted by an HBO movie leaving pieces all over the floor.  We had to change a lightbulb in order to read the picture only instructions.  We put a piece on backwards and had to start all over again (It's not the destination, it's the journey, right)

 Of course since I also believe I have a case of undiagnosed adult onset ADHD I was pleading with Jon to do something else half way through the project but after a few hours the bookshelf came together and we could relax.  Why am I telling you this story?

 The very next morning I open the door to my parents place and there is my Dad putting together an IKEA project for Ashley.  A chest of drawers is no easy feat in the world of put it together Ikeaness. Just like our furniture, deceptively little cardboard box, dozens of pieces, no written instructions only pictures.   Here's how my parents roll....

All of the pieces of wood were strategically stacked in similar and easily accessible pieces according to size, smallest to the right.  All of the hardware was displayed on the granite counter top, in little porcelain bowls again according to size.  I didn't even notice the best part about the project for a few minutes but at second glance I noticed a linen or lace tablecloth displayed neatly beneath the entire do-it-yourself project.  I'm not quite sure but my father probably had on a construction apron and safety goggles.

Although I didn't see my mother she was probably on her way to the grocery store to buy ingredients for Builder Gary's lunch....something like balsamic and shallot chicken breasts or pork patties with plum sauce , all served on fine china - of course.  I also didn't witness the clean up but I am sure it involved a wet vac and dusting off the blinds!  If you think I am poking fun at my parents I am actually just voicing my envy as they continue to run circles around me!

So, when you tell my I am OCD, or CDO in the country because I insist Eli play with animals that are the correct scale with each other, and that the dinosaurs cannot be placed in storage with the GI Joes because they are from different time periods,  just remember I come by it naturally.....and it could be MUCH worse.

country list wish



hello           lover

Poppy Cat

The times of hanging out with Nana out in the country have come and gone.  Apparently now, it is Eli and Poppy time.  Eli is no longer interested in helping me make cookies or wrap a present - no it's Pops all the way.

You know Poppy the farm kid, the one that was able to drive an old Chevy pickup at the ripe of age of 10 or the very same Poppy that stepped up to drive a tractor well enough to work the field not long after that.  Yes it is the same Pops that at age 14 put in  40 hour work weeks on the farm and it was only Wednesday.  Um and the very same little kid who got on the school bus an hour before school started and got off the bus sometimes while the sun was setting.

All of those old facts gave me no comfort on this morning  when I saw Eli and his Poppy attempting to down two trees in our back yard that had died over the summer.  I never ask what the two of them are up to but everywhere Jon goes he has a little, slow moving, non stop talking shadow....with an attitude.  Saturday morning when the two of them loaded a pile of tools into the tractor wagon it didn't even cause me to pause.  The initial load and constant banging in the backyard didn't even initiate concern.

It wasn't until I glanced out the window that I had to catch my breath.  Jon was bending over pulling on a tree stump, one hand clutching an ax while Eli, wielded yet another ax as he focused completely on the stump....or Poppy's head I couldn't tell from my vantage point. I breathed slowly as Eli would get the ax up above his head and then the weight of the iron would drop behind him and spin him completely around. Do Crocs make steel toed shoes for children?   I rolled my eyes as I walked calmly to the laundry room and gathered my tools, bandages, alcohol....tourniquets,the  units of blood I have started stocking.  My curiosity got the best of me though as I watched them pound the tree stump and it didn't give an inch.  I moved a dining room chair closer to the window so I could witness the scene in complete comfort.

After a few minutes - and a few close calls - out came the chain attached to the tractor, once again little Eli in the middle of it all.  From my perch I could see the chain attached to the stump and attached to the tractor and then Eli driving the John Deere while he sat on Poppy's lap.  Apparently both the farm boys had underestimated the strength of the wood, or maybe they had overestimated their lumberjack talents perhaps because again the stump was victorious!

As I got up to push the dining room chair back  to  its place thinking my very old ER skills were not necessary this morning I glimpsed something silver flash by the window.  The Chevy truck and it was coming closer at a pace that made me a bit nervous.  I could see  that at least Eli wasn't driving THAT vehicle.  The truck never paused, never slowed just simply rammed the stump, it finally fell onto the ground as the deep roots were now exposed.  Jon stopped the pickup and smiled as he turned to see the wood.  Eli came out of the truck like a fighter gearing up for a match.  He was chanting something and pumping his fist in the air with a huge grin on his face.  After a series of high fives between them they loaded the old tree trunk and took it away.

All while staying with Poppy for a mere few hours,  It is apparent though that Eli is one huge POPPY CAT!

Drivin with the Devil

I have spent over thirty years dealing with the Broncomanic in my life, why I have even given birth to not two but three children who bear the burden of this same affliction.  I don't know why I am taken aback by the events that occurred during the previous Bronco football Sunday.

In a good natured attempt to celebrate my youngest afflicted son's birthday on Sunday I thought it would be a grand idea for our family to meet up at a sports bar of some kind to watch the game.  Ya know, a few dozen big screen TVs, a couple plates of nachos and chicken wings and other great fans to experience the game.  (Remember I do live in the country and I don't get out much - so I was actually looking forward to it).

Via text I make this very suggestion to the birthday boy.  His exact text response to me:

Mom, this is a big game and I don't really want to watch it where strangers can distract me.

Okay several things bother me about this response.  1.  Strangers?  Really?  If you would have said stranger/possible pedophiles I would think you were starting to sound a bit like your mother.  2.  A big game Tony, really?  I mean, remember you are sick EVERY Bronco game is a big game.  3.  What kind of distractions are we talking about?  Good food, cold beer, exquisite and ongoing football talk about the ins and outs of the last offensive series with another fan who knows the game as well as you do?  Really?

Needless to say, the other sick men in my life agreed and so it was decided to watch the Bronco game from the comforts of home.  Lisa's home (Tony's girlfriend).  So by default this poor young women had to deal with Tony and all his "sick" relatives on a beautiful autumn afternoon.  Lucky her!

Now the harrowing part.  Game time is 2:25 MST.  At 1:45 MST Jon and I are at Aaron and Jill's house finishing a small home improvement project.   It was not my imagination that Aaron's answers were getting a little abrupt and Jon was rolling his eyes a bit more than normal.  Okay truth be told Jon's neck veins were bulging and Aaron was holding his chest because of heart palpitations.  Did I mention the fact that it takes 45 minutes to get from Aaron's house to Lisa's house.  Well 45 minutes UNLESS you are Aaron and now apparently Jon.

I should have known it was going to be a rough ride when right out of the gate Aaron ran a red light....and Jon followed him.  These two men had turned into degenerative creatures of darkness behind the wheel.  The next 20 minutes were spent watching Aaron with Jill in the passenger seat weaving in and out of Denver traffic and holding my breath as Jon mimicked his every move.  Billboards became a blur as we soared past them all.  I watched as cars became mere specks in the rear view mirror in the blink of an eye.   I glanced apologetically to the folks we cut off  as I made sure my seat belt was low and tight across my lap.   I made the sign of the cross as I thought I saw Jon's hands tighten on the steering wheel, his neck veins nearly exploding now.  I receive a text from Jill in the race car ahead.

It is pretty tense in this car right now.

We are going to die, I answered back. I always did have a flare for the dramatic.

We made it across town in traffic.....in 23 minutes.  I got out of the car said a prayer  and leaned down to kiss the good green earth.  Of course the only one who saw me was Jill as the guys were already in front of the big screen TV with 3 minutes to spare.

Word of the day

 

Spent the better part of the afternoon trying to explain to Eli the word - REFLECTION.

 

Tougher than a room full of overachieving nursing students I swear!

Country compromisin

There is a cat residing in my country home and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. 

Boo, was originally one of two cats that I received as a "gift" for "myself" from Eli for Mother's Day last year.  The two cats together were outside cats ONLY.  They slept in a heated bed in the garage, ate outside and managed to make it through the sub zero temps of last winter.  One night this summer the second cat never came home, I suspect he may have been victim to the circle of life that we a subject to.  Although we do have a crazy neighbor who likes to shoot his shotgun at all hours of the night for no apparent reason!   What I like to think though, is that Mike found a girlfriend and now is living with her and their dozen kitty children in cat paradise.  That's what I tell Eli anyway.

Shortly after Mike, umm came up missing Boo learned to use the damn dog door.  Now this is the same cat that we watched scale a 30 foot tree to retrieve not one but four baby birds on four different trips only to bring them down to earth one at a time to "play".  So basically we had to lock big Jack in or out to keep the outside cat out.  Are ya staying with me? 

I assumed cats were always up in your business, on the kitchen counters, sleeping in your laundry, and using an indoor litter box, ugh.  This cat is totally different.  He is stealth.  He is nearly invisible.  He is a ghost of a cat - how appropriate for October?   He likes to stay inside but he doesn't like us to much.

I think he is also bipolar.  I like you, dont touch me.  I see you, don't look at me.  I need you, don't talk to me.  I think the only person who actually picks up this cat is Eli, and that occasion is very rare.  Once in a while when I get up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water I can feel his glowing golden eyes upon me.  I never see him and I certainly don't hear him bu I know he is there, watching, waiting....

High Maintenance Country Style

Last week Jon informed me that I was high maintenance, and I can't wait to tell you why.

It certainly isn't because I like jewels and diamonds. In fact I am not much of a jewelry consumer at all. I like classic simple jewelry and seldom wear anything other than my watch and my wedding ring. Secondly, I'm not much of a flower bouquet person either. It's not that I don't love flowers, it's the fact that I can usually make the flowers much more gorgeous than any other florist...at half the cost, so I really don't desire flowers on any given occasion. 

I don't need piles of collectibles, or mounds of Persian rugs, or designer clothes and handbags...okay I have ONE Michael Khors handbag. My favorite apparel involves Levi's and work boots so I know its not that stuff right? In fact when we moved from Greeley to Brush and I paused to look at all the stuff we had accumulated, I spent weeks going through boxes and bags and got rid of hundreds of items. I didn't sell stuff I gave stuff away, so obviously I don't need stuff of any kind!

I like a vacation every now and again but I certainly don't insist on month long trips to Bali, or long weekend trips to Vegas with the girlfriends. I can't think of any better way to spend a week off of work than walking around our mini farm, grilling and listening to country music and watching our grandson play with the animals from the comfort of my lawn chair on the front drive way.

I don't require a great deal of attention at this stage of my life. I don't ask Jon to call me to see if I need anything or to merely inquire about how he can make my life better today. I don't call my husband to pick up a bag of dog food when we are running low or a bottle of vanilla when I am in the midst of baking a cake.   I don't request Jon do any of the laundry, dishes, housework etc. I don't demand a maid for housekeeping.  I don't even like to go out for dinner for Christ's sake.  I LIKE eating at home and would pick home cooking almost always!

Okay so I don't need stuff or attention, or coddling or acts of service. I don't need diamonds  or vacations...hmmm high maintenance?    No, the reason Jon accused me of being high maintenance? Really?   You just can't make this stuff up folks...is because I asked him to let me out of the booth during breakfast at Diggers Diner.

From now until, well basically eternity Jon will sit on the inside of the booth.  Seriously? 

Trippin at the dentist....

 

Please forgive for not blogging over the past few days but on Tuesday I voluntarily spent over two hours and hundreds of dollars spending time with....the spawn of the devil (known to others as the dentist). AND just because this same man was whooping it up right beside me at my oldest sons wedding just a few short months ago, that doesn't give him any reprieve from the devil's spawn title on this day.

You see way back when, my type a personality and constant jaw clenching caused me to break a back tooth. That tooth was replaced with a crown, which I also broke. I guess I should have listened over the past decade when the doc said wear your night guard, but no I am much too smart for that! So for the past year I have had no back tooth, I mean I can eat an entire bag of Lays potato chips without that tooth so what's the big deal? When the dentist began hounding Jon to hound me about the damn implant I finally submitted. I didn't have anything else to do with two grand anyway!

First of all the dentist and I go back, I mean way back. When I say back I mean this particular man of science knows and respects my obsessive and neurotic thoughts and behavior when it comes to his....business. It was many years ago that I had to inform the secretary in his office that I couldn't wait in the waiting room like normal patients. The sounds and the smells give me anxiety. So therefore the secretary now checks me in then comes to get me in the courtyard only seconds before the doc or even the hygienists are ready. Second I can't be in the very back cubicle because it gives me anxiety. Thirdly don't engage me in any small talk whatsoever, you guessed it gives me anxiety. Lastly do not provide me with details or information or pictures. I have looked up everything i know to now be true on the internet! On this day I actually ask Chris, the receptionist if the Dr. had ever done this procedure on anyone before. On this day she actually answered with....an eye roll.

Next I carefully observe as the staff don their sterile gloves and mask and start talking in code to one another. They think I can't hear them but I can make out words like suction, and needle, and saw and bloody pulp. Oh I hear it alright, make no mistake!

Tuesday was no different, except for the the fact I believe I was exceptionally obnoxious for 9:00 a.m. I first noticed the buffet of medieval type instruments partially covered by light blue paper towels. Seriously there were like four trays full of devices, usually there is only one....I take a mental note. THEN there is an extra person in that space, a stranger . Seriously is this so invasive that it takes another office employee...and I take another mental note. THEN the assistant that is also a spawn merely by association asks me to rinse out my mouth with some type of antibiotic solution, because this procedure is so invasive....I quickly scan the room for an escape route. I forgot my IPod, I insisted the assistant hunt down some random MP3 player so we could all continue. For all i know she ran and stole one from a pedestrian walking by the office. Then I noticed the wall clock was missing. "Where did the wall clock go? How long is this gonna take again?", I question.  " No watching the clock"'  she answers as she quickly slaps the nitrous over my nose. Then the standard, conversation ensues...and one all the players involved know all too well.


Dentist, " Roxanne, how are ya doing as he pats my shoulder
Roxanne, " the nitrous isn't working I swear is it working? Can you turn it up it up. I swear i cant feel a thing! Maybe I should do this with IV sedation. Should I come back a different day?
Dentist, " it's up to you, just try and relax.
And the same dialogue goes on and on and on....
I close my eyes and I really try to go to my happy place and I keep peeking every time I feel like it is safe. I feel the vibrations and the pulling and the pushing and I sense the metallic taste of my own blood.  Ugh.

Then I always ask,  "Are we half done, are we a third done?"   I have to use the restroom, I need some air but don't take that nitrous off.The dialogue goes on and on.   I swear for an entire two hours the only thing touching that chair was my heels and the back of my head. I was so wound up that I don't even feel like my shoulders touched the chair. When the DDS asked me if I was allergic to anything I told him only you, you sick sadistic bastard, but I'm blaming that on the nitrous.  Just kidding about the bastard part!

Anyway as always I sent them a fruit tray the next day and signed the card as always, sorry for being such a pain in your ass. A ND as always as he called to check on me that night I am always too embarrassed to talk with him directly on the phone so to voicemail it goes.

The good news, the implant is done. The bad news is I have another appointment in less than two weeks.

Tailgating.....or not.

The cadets before the game.

Eli and Uncle Tony drawing offensive plays in the dirt before the game

Jon. Logan and Tony.  I am soooo proud!

Leslie, Cadet Eli and Terry.

Our well behaved football gang!

Dalton!

Ash and Eli waiting for the jet flyover!

Is it me or did the tailgate party and the game last weekend seem umm somewhat calm.  I'm sure it couldn't be the fact that I am nearly fifty years old and getting entirely too old for such nonsense.  I however have to admit that on some deep (and twisted ) level I secretly love to watch and at times partake in tailgating and game nonsense.

Not this week though.  I have to say I have never seen such a group of quiet and mild mannered tailgate groups scattered throughout the dirt field outside the Airforce Academy stadium in Colorado Springs.  Ya, I know its the AF Academy, honor, integrity and all that, I get it.  What I thought though is that all that deep and honorable stuff would get squashed and overrun by the usual CSU shenanigans I am accustomed to.

There were no students walking dozens of blocks with a suitcase of Keystone Light parked on their shoulder making their way to the game.  There were no pickup loads of students and alumni in the back of Chevy pickups wedged in between the barbecue grill and the keg on ice loudly entering the parking lot.  I didn't see guys.... or girls for that matter, tired of waiting for the porta potty line to pee just outside an open car door.  In fact, I went to the porta potty one time during the tailgater and there was no line, none at all.  Unless I was coming down with a serious  sinus infection, it was one of the best smelling porta potty's I have ever used.  (I am thinking it must be some top secret military secret project that the general public knows nothing about).

I missed watching my boys, okay who are now grown and employed men, stir it up with fans from the other team.  I missed all the kids make an intoxicated attempt to sing the CSU fight song or lure the cheerleaders to their tailgate for a cold beverage.  I sound like I am talking about the students but make no mistakes the adults were just as bad (and good)   I didn't even witness one person throw up, not a one.

No, this tailgater involved young cadets sitting around in lawn chairs arranged in a semi circle sipping bottled water involved in quiet conversations.  Various scattered tailgate games could be seen throughout the parking lot....many of them didn't even involve drinking games!  I had no idea!   Weird!  Jon's nephew Logan (a CSU student) did challenge Jon to a shotgunning of the beers duel.  Jon lost, really lost.  Then it was done, over.  If this game would have been in FoCo, the duel would have lasted until game time or until the horse mounted police game by and hauled one of them away.

Of course the game was  not great if you are a CSU fan, but I have never seen the most well behaved crowd at a game before.  No screaming, no boobies, no Aaron Cook sitting in the middle of the AF crowd chanting down with Obama or anything.  Yes it was a very conservative crowd indeed, you may take that comment as political satire if you want....I'm just saying.  The AF fans sitting next to me tried to strike up a polite conversation.  Of course I immediately asked Jon to trade me places!

I do have to admit the pageantry of the Academy was impressive.  Watching all the cadets march onto the field in their squadron and then run into the seats, followed by a flyover and paratroopers was actually pretty cool, even for a gal who prefers to sit on the...left side of the stadium, if ya know what I mean.

Oh and just as a public service announcement to ...anyone interested.  If you are attached to one of the Cook men, you never leave a football game early.  No matter how boring it is, how much of a blowout it is, how hot it is, how cold it is or how late you are to another engagegment.  You never EVER get the opportunity to leave a football game early.